Searching Me!

When did I start searching for myself? When did I realize I lost myself? With so many identities in life living as a daughter, sister, wife, girlfriend, mother, grandmother, aunt, friend, where do I fit in? How important is it to find myself? Very important as we define ourselves.

When we find ourselves, we start being comfortable with our own skin. We start living in the present moment just being me. This helps us realize we don’t have to let anyone steal our dreams and want me to be someone I am not.

My path began in searching myself and the more I was satisfied with my current status, the more I discovered my own inner being, my own true self. I am a mom, a daughter, a friend, a sister, an aunt, but I am also my own being, happy, focused and living every moment of this blessed life.


On the 12th or 15th day of social isolation and social distancing I find myself calming down and accepting the reality of this whole pandemic situation. This message came from few different people and few different angles. First I spoke to my near and dear friend Farzana, who is currently living in US, she explained to me how this is the time to heal, staying away from negative energy, negative circles, people you sometimes don’t want to associate with. Yes! “Healing”, my healing from my past, my relationships, my expectations, me as a whole, knowing myself as I am living with myself more than ever before.

Then I started listening to Elizabeth Gilberts’s book “Big Magic” via audible, what a lovely, strong messaging about inspiration. She mentions in her book as inspiration comes on its own time, it can also leave when it desires. It doesn’t wait for me to make use of it as it will find someone new. Wow! what a powerful thing to know at a time I needed to know.  This reminds me of K.T, a mentor and motivational speaker, when he explained about an idea, when the idea comes, we need to do some sort of action or else it goes away and we will be in a stop mode. Makes so much sense of so many projects and books and many more things I thought of starting over the years and never got to it. At least I am getting the answer to why they seem far fetched or not making me excited to do them anymore after the gap and of no action.

Then came into my mind about connection – connecting with people at this time in a new level. On the other hand disconnecting with people you thought you were connected with. One of my heroes in the writing world and as a person herself Jen Sincero, in her calendar from the book “Bad Ass” mentions “If you have one big breakthrough, and then sit back and wait for awesomeness to pour in, you’ll lose your muscle mass and fall back to the marshmallow state you were in before.” – Thank you Jen for always bringing up the truth, the reality for us to learn.

This is the time to heal, to sit back and do nothing but may be observe. Take a look at things in new way or not, assess what is needed or not, establish something you wanted to do for the longest time or not. I add or not at the end cause my other big hero of this life time Pam Grout mentions in her new blog “The two magic words, a review” that it’s Okay”, we can do something we want to or not and I believe her. This is probably first time in few decades we can afford to sit back and do it (or not) as there is no where to run and nothing to achieve.

I am grateful and blessed and I feel the energy of the Universe, Divine, Angels, higher power……..whatever you want to call it!


Sharmeen (Shar)

Death of a relationship!

Well, this term just popped up on my head. One after another I am facing death(s) of relationships in my life. One is being really dead and the other is not in touch or not going along or not following their path or denying taking their day to day crap kind of death. We mourn when someone passes and know that he/she will not return to this world and leaves us with memories; on the other hand there are people in our lives, may be brothers/sisters or cousins or Aunts/uncles who are alive but you are not in touch or you have lost the trust or confidence or had a fight regarding inherited property/money. The energy of these people are also very different, doesn’t match with yours. In this world where most relationships are formed with give and take it is rare to find the unconditional love which leads to harmony, care and togetherness. Just when we think family will give us peace, harmony and togetherness.

Anything and everything is about gaining something from the other person, finding a short cut way to earn money, making somebody else look less than you, make somebody else feel less superior.

We can become enlightened and bring our energy up to a level where we can focus on our lives and surroundings. In my experience it is never easy to pass through that death of the relationship……….but once we can, there is peace, serenity and light at the end of the tunnel. You feel free, you feel blessed that nothing is blocking you. You will flow with energy because you have removed the blockages.

We come to this world through our parents but when you grow up, you have your own mind, soul and purpose. As much as we have responsibilities we are programmed to do, we also have to meet our own self, to satisfy your own soul.

Realizing this relationship is not working (whether with a friend or family) and there is no point in continuing to bring agony to you is the first part and the second part is to be ready to let it go. Cry over it, have discussion over it, break glasses or punch bags but have a date in mind to just let it go. If needed have a funeral to moan the loss of death of that relationship.

12 weeks of Freedom

Till now I can say the best thing that has happened to my 40 plus youthful life. I have decided to take 12 weeks off to focus on my life, my journey and my daughter. How is it working so far? Fantastic! The fact that I don’t have to get myself all worked up in the morning to travel to the office is the first prize. Then comes in to sit and meditate at my own pace and then a cup of hot tea and my book (sometimes more than one). Do my own research on fulfilling my dream, how others have fulfilled theirs and so on. This comes with additional blessing from this condo of body work, yoga, tai chi and gym. I am very grateful for all these to fit in to my lifestyle which I dreamed of happening one day.

Now the time has come to make it more permanent and make other people realize the benefit of having these Zen moments.

Everyone should have this chance. I think the way government wants to put people for employment, they should also put people with employment to unemployment for a short span of time. This will make people understand their purpose of life, passion of life and understand the value of the work they are doing. Sometimes, actually a lot of the times we just do it for the sake of doing it, this will shed some light into it.

What other way can we discover the gift of living but by living by ourselves for sometime!

Peaceful soul

What makes us comfortable? We can so easily identify what makes us uncomfortable, do we know what makes us comfortable? A cup of tea, a book, a partner, million dollars, friends, environment, a meal or a pet? Have we ever given a thought why is it different for different people? How is it sometimes we have it ALL, but we have NOTHING; but on the other hand, sometimes we don’t have ANYTHING, but we have EVERYTHING. One persons need can be other persons luxury, one persons daily routine can be another persons dream. How can we know ourselves better to have a peaceful soul?

In my personal life, I have learned to be happy with my current state, learn to BE into my being, be grateful and thankful for my day to day life, be open to deliberate creation, allow things to happen rather then run after them.  Our ultimate goal most of the time is happiness and peace, which we try to achieve through different paths.


In this huge world where it is full of people, do you ever get a chance to be alone? Not lonely but alone. Being with yourself, comfortable to enjoy your own company, either surrounded by nature or in a park bench or in front of very calm Lake Ontario? Just breathing in the fresh air and allowing yourself to BE. You will find thoughts would come and go, people walk or run behind you or playing different games, laughter from a group or two but you feel the closeness of the nature, you feel the love, the abundance, the unconditional love. The calling for just being, still and loving. Where are we at with just loving, not asking for anything in return?

More and more I think of “unconditional love”, loving unconditionally, how easy to say it but to practice. We can start small and then gradually move ourselves to the state where no matter what happens or who we meet, our love remains the same. We don’t judge, we don’t compare, we just love as that is the only thing that matters. Why not start with ourselves first?